Saturday, December 16, 2006

Insomnia~~

I cant sleep. :( why u may ask me?? my head is itchy and i cant scratch it..y?bcoz my hair will fall out...Can life get any worse than this?? U knoe something's wrong and yet everything u tried failed to ease ur suffering or even make any changes or improvements.

Day after day i try to tire myself out so tat i wudnt be havin these sleepless nights..but i cant seem to find anything to do in this little town called sitiawan.A place i love alot and yet i hate it. Friends have gone their ways and chosen their paths."They cant accompany u forever u knoe gideon" yea i knoe tat. But then my life is like an empty soul. Everyday i kept rottin in dad's shop or in my room. Dad is becomin so dependent on me goin to the shop all day. If i miss a day,i'm definitely will hear this from either of my parents ,"Gideon,y din u go to the shop?I'm sure u've been wastin ur time on ur computer all day." and my dad will be showin his sour face at home. Like sean said, we all have our masks..I think i'm wearin mine almost all the time.Everything i do will be judged.

It must be the environment i grew up in tat make me kinda anti social. When i was little,i was never allowed out to any skool trips or go to myfrens house after skool. Everytime i asked permission to follow some skool;s trip,mom would say,''gideon,wait till u knoe how to take care of urself.U're time will come" As an obedient child i will pursue the matter no further. And then my sis reach her teens,of coz she and mom and argue alot becoz both of them are strong willed.Headstrong ?? i dunno. Mom would always pay attention to sis to see wat mischief she's in and pay attention to my lil bro coz he is the youngest one. Not tat i want any attention. All i'm sayin was while my sis is out chillin,bro in afternoon session,dad and mom working i passed my primary skool days practically alone at home without anyone to talk to. My social skills isnt tat good now. :(


Then i recall my secondary day.Ahh those days are nice..Form1 straight till form3 all my frens. Form4 was a weird one coz i was assigned to 4s5.The last class in the form 4 science stream.I was devastated. But there God bestowed upon me some frenships tat may last me a lfietime. I remember wilson and ee and houwen in the lab. No matter wat the labs,i wud count on houwen to come up with a good report i could copy and i wud go and mess around the lab with ee and wilson. There was this once where we were messin around in orange juice and some chemical to check vitamin C.haha Ee chng smack some orange juice into chemical bottle and the entire bottle change color.haha our biology teacher went balistic after tat haahaha. And haha our en ishak,hehe ee rubbed some writing off the whiteboard and haha the old man kip scoldin ,siapa padam?Tuhan padam??"haha At the end of tat year i achieved my goal and went to the second class. Fuiyo i was relieved.But ee and wilson din make it tho. FOrm5 was the year.Jaya aka ikan bilis (Giri taught me) is our class teacher. I contributed a bit to the ponteng statistics tat year. There this one time when the gang decide to declare recess early and went to the canteen early. I was left behind havin my beauty sleep behind the class. Haha i was awoken by Mr ling kee cheong in my class shouting ,"Mana lingdaowen??ketua,tuliskan semua nama yang tidak ada dalam kelas. I was laughin out of my wits when the gang waas called up to "DA ROOM" after recess tat day. LuCKY me~~

Life after spm went downhill pretty quick. At first we were still eager to hang out but as time goes by many things happened. Two of my lepak gang kinda er.. lets just say some sparks happenned.So they want some time alone. Then i broke off with my girl. And God knoes y i kinda got pissed at ee and we werent on good terms after tat. I went to college and i got to knoe some ppl from out of kl as well. Turns out i was feelin the same dread they were feelin. All of us werethinkin wat if i cant click .wat if my housemate is a dick. turns out they were fine . i was pretty happy until i moved to annie's place cos my ex housemates added some ppl into the house. Then the everyman for themselves kinda thinkin started to creep in and before i knew it,i dun trust anyone else anymore. Tat caused alot frustration to me oso coz i had to put on the fake smile and havta sabar to shit type of mask.There are may kinds of ppl in this world.Assholes and angels living among each other. So far my experience tells me tat one assholes in ur gang and tats it. The next thing u knoe Ass is influncin others to follow the way of the Ass.

Christmas is around the corner but i still doesnt sense the xmas spirit. Where's the love??And many of my frens still gotta work on xmas. This country we living in is controlled by buffoons who only think of themselves .Like dao said,we arent treated fair enuf, so tats y racism starts..


Fuck..my head hurts real badly......gonna try to get some sleep.
-End-

1 Comments:

Blogger PetaiBabe said...

wei wei christmas present!! i bought urs liao

3:29 AM  

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