SideSplitters(TM)

A 72-year-old Indian politician who lost in the recent 2008 election
went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up... The doctor asked him
how he was feeling, and the 72-year-old said, "Things are great and
I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is
pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to
tell a story.

"I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and
never misses a season. One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a
bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of
his gun. As he neared a lake, he came across a very large wild boar
sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home
and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he
raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite
hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out
and the wild boar fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?"
asked the doctor.

The 72-year-old Indian politician said, "Logic would strongly suggest
that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that wild boar."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."


...............................................



Chua S. Lek quit politics after his sex scandal. Since he had a
talent for pumping, he decided he will go into the petrol business.
There, he reckons he can still pump a little, and for once be paid
for it.

As a politician, he had talent. But selling petrol wasn't something
he was trained for so sales was slow. One day, he decided to put up a
promotion to increase his sales. So, he put up a sign that read,
"Free Sex with Fill-Up."
Soon Zam pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. Doc
Chua told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly,
he would
get his free sex. Zam guessed 8, and Doc Chua said, "You were close.
The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time."

A week later, Zam, along with his UMNO friend Khairy, pulled in for
another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. Doc Chua again gave
him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Zam
guessed 2 this time. Doc Chua said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close,
but no free sex this time."

As they were driving away, Khairy said to Zam, "I think that game is
rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."
Zam replied, "No it ain't, KJ. It's not rigged at all. My wife won
twice last week."



.........



NAMES OF DOLLS

mr Najib has 2 girlfriends and 2 wives. He called them:

1st girlfriend ..... baby doll
2nd girlfriend ..... Mongolian doll
1st wife.....barbie doll
2nd wife..... panadol !

..................................



Two old retired politician

Two old retired politicians decide they are close to their last days
and decide to have a last night on the town. Chan Kang Choy was
dumped because of the Port Klang Fiasco and Sammi Vellue was dumped
when a bridge collapsed, killing 100 Indians. Nothing to do, they
took a lot of drinks and ended up at the local brothel, managed by a
part-time florist.

The Madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her
Manager, "Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll on
each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my
girls on them. They won't know the difference."

The Manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs to
take care of their business.
As they are walking home, the Chan Kang Choy says, "You know, I think
my girl was dead!"

"Dead?" says Sammi Vellue, "Why do you say that?"

"Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving
her."

Sammi Vellue says, "Could be worse - I think mine was a witch."
"A witch, why the hell would you sat that?"
"Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck and I gave
her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window, taking my
teeth with her."



.............................




Somebody farted during the inquiry.

Inquiry officer asked Tengku Anan first: Did you fart?

Anan replied: You must be drunk or mad.
the officer then asked Dr Mahathir: Did you fart?
Mahatir answered: I don't remember. Anyway it's my prerogative to
fart and I don't have to answer to anybody.

He then asked Eusof Cheen: Did you fart?

Eusof Cheen answered: If anyone wants to fart, what can I do?

The officer then turned to Lingam: Did you fart?

Lingam replied: Sounds like mine, smells like mine
..........but....it is not me.



.



Pek Lah was seated next to a little girl on an airplane that was
leaving KLIA. He turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that
flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow
passenger."

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and
said to Pak Lah, "What would you like to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know", said Pek Lah, "How about who is going to win the
next election?"

"OK", she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the
same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out
a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you
suppose that is?"

Pek Lah thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

The little girl then asks, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss
who is going to win the next election when you don't know shit?"



(names changed to protect myself.)